Memories
The other day, Heather found this journal entry of mine from 15 years ago (yes, before the internet, people blogged … it was called "journalling".
It was interesting to read the words I wrote when Brittany was born. As I prepare to see her off on a new adventure, I thought it would be nice to post entry.
I’m going to edit it for content a little …
Well, I’m a dad. What a strange feeling. Actually, it hasn’t really sunk in yet. I mean, what is fatherhood supposed to feel like? I went home alone from the hospital. That was nice. I needed some time alone to just thinkg about my new baby girl. I was so amazed in the delivery room. To see Brittany being born. To see her head come out, followed by her tiny body was just incredible. How can any one say there is no God? Only God, in his infinite wisdom and order could develop such a beautiful gift inside a woman. Heather did an incredible job. At one point during the delivery I turned to a nurse and said, ‘I’m glad I’m a man.’ I couldn’t imagine the pain. But she held up tremendously. I am very proud of her.
My baby girl. Brittany Heather Dale. Her dark skin and black hair are wonderful. She was so alert and lively, looking all around at her new life. She has the most beautiful eyes. I realized the love parents have for their children. It is different that the love I have for Heather, but there is the idea that Brittany is in her completeness, an outward expression of my love for Heather and her love for me. After all, Brittany is ‘us’. She has many of her mother’s features, what more could a father ask for?
I was scared to death the first time I changed her diaper. It reminded me a little of the movie, ‘Three Men and a Baby’. I didn’t have a clue how to do it. Heather led me through the experience. Brittany obviously felt I needed time to learn. As soon as I was finished, as I was pinning the final side, she convinced me to do it again. So, I changed another one.
Brittany scares me. After all, I have to take care of her. She is completely Heather and my responsibility. How we care for her will dictate her entire life. She is ours. Last night was a little easier. I wheeled her back into the nursery and went home. But in a day or so, she will be coming home, with us. Parenting is a 24 hour a day job; 365 days a year. What an awesome responsibility.
While I am scared, I am also excited. I can’t wait to have Brittany at home. To hold her without nurses coming in. To love her in the privacy of my home. To play with her. I can’t wait until she is old enough for me to take to the circus. I want to be there when she sees her first clown. Yet I know that time will go quickly. I don’t want things to happen to quickly. I want to enjoy each moment. I need time to prepare for BOYS!! I need to get my gun license. I need target practice.
Well, time does go quickly, doesn’t it? Did you enjoy each moment with your children? Are you doing that now? I’d love to know your thoughts on how you felt when your children were born.
That was beautiful. I so wish that I was more aware of what it meant to be a parent. That took me years to learn.
I do clearly remember the moment that I had learnt that I had a third son – I said ‘ wow King Henry would be so proud of me’
Funny, from blogging, to journaling, to diary – it to grows up.
Yes it seems one day I was holding her and passing her the baby bottle, and now I am passing her the keys to the car. I did something for the first time yesterday. I stopped by her new place of work and gave her a Ice Cap and we sat and chatted for a few minutes. All too soon she’ll be gone back to the States, so I need to make the best of what we have.
As much as I want my kids to stay young, I am also looking forward to doing just that: sitting with them over a cup of coffee and talking like adults.
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